To dummy, or not to dummy?

To pacifier or not to pacifier? that is the question I am  often asked by sleep deprived parents desperately needing a break from the around the clock feeding and crying in the early weeks.

I have no problem with the pacifier; in fact it can be a godsend...so long as it is used moderation, and safely. If you are breastfeeding, It is recommended not to introduce the pacifier before one month of age, or until breastfeeding has been well-established to avoid nipple confusion.

As for the perfect timing for weaning from the pacifier; I recommend around 4 months. This is when  the fourth trimester draws to an end, and the sucking action is no longer essential for switching on their calming reflex. Unfortunately if you decide to keep the pacifier beyond this age, the sucking develops into a habit, and can become increasingly difficult to break over time.

The pros:

1) If your baby has colic or reflux, a pacifier is great for settling in between feeds (instead of feeding more which will exacerbate the symptoms) 2)  May reduce the risk of SIDS when used to fall asleep (not when they are asleep) 3) A pacifier will satisfy the sucking reflex in newborns, so it is easier to stretch out feeds longer than an hour for older babies who want to feed continuously for comfort (which can cause colic like symptoms, and gas pain) 4) Pacifiers can be used to aid self settling by offering them comfort whilst babies learn to fall asleep independently (without relying on being fed, rocked, patted to sleep)

And the cons:

1) When your baby relies on the pacifier to fall asleep, and then again to get back to sleep overnight *enter a sleep deprived, frustrated mom and/or dad up 10 times a night to plug the pacifier back in* - a baby is not physiologically capable of replacing their own pacifier until they are around 8 months of age 2) The longer your child has the pacifier, the harder the habit is to break *enter the strong willed, defiant, pacifier reliant, tantrum-throwing toddler* 3) Pacifiers have been associated with recurrent ear infections and misaligned teeth (in cases of frequent use in toddlers) 3) It can become a habit for parents also - resorting to using the pacifier at the first grizzle or cry, instead of acknowledging the real reason for the upset (pain, dirty diaper, separation anxiety etc.). Crying is is essential for our children to release stress and tensions; which, if allowed to do so in the responsive and supportive presence of a caregiver, can result in a happier overall disposition, less crying/grizzling, and better sleep. If babies look to the pacifier for comfort every time they feel upset, rather than freely expressing their emotions, then this becomes an unhealthy control pattern, which can extend to ongoing repression of emotion (well into adulthood) 4) The pacifier can have a negative effect on breastfeeding if given too frequently too early on, as the baby can spend so much time enjoying the satisfying yet unproductive sucks, that they lose interest in feeding

1. First and foremost, you as the parent must be committed and prepared to follow through with the change to avoid confusion
2. Communicate, and state your intentions in advance. Validate any feelings or emotions your child may have about this change - listen, respect, and acknowledge them. Offering reassurance, extra love and cuddles can go a long way :)
3. Going shopping for a new favorite toy for sleeping (comforter), can be effective in making the transition to being pacifier-free
4. Restrict use to bedroom and bedtime only (you can place multiple pacifiers in their crib or bed so they can put their own pacifier back in overnight without your intervention)
5. The earlier you wean, the easier it will be... for everyone
6. Don't plan for emergencies - this will only reinforce that if your child cried for long enough, their pacifier will magically appear
7. Go cold turkey. Be prepared for *some* tears. However, in my experience, it is usually the parents who think the weaning process will be much more painful and drawn out than what it actually is. Children adapt very quickly, and you can expect positive results within a few days
8. Use Elizabeth Pantley's gentle withdrawal method; a no cry (or limited cry) option. This can be rather labor intensive, so be prepared to clear your schedule, and up your patience. Results can be seen anywhere from a few days to a week if you are persistent (and consistent)
9. I know some parents who have had success in handing over their children's pacifiers to the 'pacifier fairies' Easter Bunny, or Santa. Whilst this sounds magical, I always believe honesty is the best policy for important transitions such as this
10. Empower your child by giving them the choice of how they would like to dispose of their pacifiers when the time comes (giving them a couple of options to choose from)

If you decide to keep the pacifier, here's a few tips you can try: 1) Place a number of pacifiers in your child's crib so they can easily reach for them overnight without your intervention 2) Invest in a Sleepy Tot comforter (to attach the pacifier to for ease of reach overnight) 3) Encourage your baby to replace their own pacifier during the day and overnight - place the pacifier in their hand and guide it into their mouth (your child will be unable to replace their pacifier on their own until around 8 months) 4) For younger babies who 'spit the pacifier' regularly and are unable to replace it themselves, you can try "reverse psychology"; once the pacifier is in their mouth, then pull it out slowly toward you a couple of times. This action will encourage your baby to suck the pacifier back in, therefore strengthening their mouth muscles - making it easier to keep the pacifier in unassisted

TIP: When NOT to do a pacifier detox: Probably best to defer the pacifier detox for when your child is feeling well (i.e. no illness or teething), and try to time it when there is not other transitions going on - e.g. moving house, new sibling, starting childcare,  new bedroom or big kid bed.